Added: Shawnna Tamez - Date: 19.12.2021 04:15 - Views: 34125 - Clicks: 7219
I value raising my children in a warm extended-family environment, but I am finding it harder and harder to be with my sister-in-law. She is an honest, trustworthy person and has never done anything to hurt me or anyone else in the family. Unfortunately, I can't stand her. Everything about her rubs me the wrong way. She sees the world in black and white, while I see infinite shades of gray. I used to try to make special foods when she came over, but I always ended up doing something wrong and she wouldn't eat them, so I gave up. I never know what to say to her—whenever she comes out with an absolute question or statement, I find myself either dropping my jaw, saying something that sounds condescending, or both.
All of this has really put my husband in an uncomfortable situation. Also, he tends to gravitate toward his brother her husbandwhich is very understandable, but the result is that I am left with her.
You say that she is honest and trustworthy, and has never done anything to hurt you or anyone in the family. When people have very strong reactions to others, I wonder how much of that vehemence is a direct response to the qualities of the person who triggers it, and how much is about something else. You might want to get curious about how much of your reaction belongs in each category, because figuring this out will accomplish two things. First, it will help you see your sister-in-law more kindly, which in turn will diminish the intensity of your feelings and make the difficult relationship run more smoothly.
Second, it will create more self-awareness, which will come in handy in all of your relationships, now and in the future. To start, I suggest asking yourself, Who does this person remind me of?
Maybe in some way she reminds you of a parent or your own sibling. Or maybe—and this generally takes people by surprise before they see the truth in it—she reminds you of you. I realize, of course, that your frustration with your sister-in-law is rooted in your perception of how different you are. But many of the things that irritate us most about others are disowned parts of ourselves—the parts that are inconsistent with how we wish to view ourselves.
She takes what I say so literally. Additionally, there are more than two options for managing your differences regarding food and health—beyond either arguing about the accuracy of her beliefs or resentfully trying to accommodate them. You might ask yourself why an otherwise emotionally intelligent person gets so thrown off by this one individual to the point of rudely insulting her. Dear Therapist is for informational purposes only, does not constitute medical advice, and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.
Always seek the advice of your physician, mental-health professional, or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Popular Latest. The Atlantic Crossword. In Subscribe.Seeking a great guy for my sister
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