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Around the end of September and early October, I started to get hints that I was ready to start dating again. I had a couple dreams back to back that showed me I was getting the go ahead from the deepest parts of me to begin to call in my new partner. In November I finally felt ready to listen to the call and start the process of opening my gates once again. Before this process, I also have them do a lot of homework to make sure their foundations are set and their self worth is rising.
How do we call in what we want? By being sure of what is we actually want!
So, we gotta write that ish down. List created, I ed up for a dating app for my one month of online dating.
Why one month? I use online dating as a tool. I have ZERO expectations of meeting my partner through online dating and I advise my clients to have a similar outlook. Online dating is a tool and if we make it work for us it will put us in the right frame of mind to call in our partners. I have a couple of rules for online dating too. We want clarity! So, I call them meet ups. I am meeting up with a stranger to get to know them. I look at all these meets up as meeting a potential new friend whom I might be interested and want to date.
A therapist once told me the timeline for a healthy relationship is meet, become friends, date and long while later a relationship. We do not need to rush the process of getting to know someone. So, I take my time and I advise clients to do the same. I advise clients to move at a pace which allows them to spot red flags and tests and walk away easily.
Never in my life would I imagine I would consider online dating fun. I had always loathed it because I was trying to Blair dating online head first into the first person who would have me so I could be in a relationship, not be alone and all my problems would be fixed. It was a lot of pressure and sucked all the fun out of the experience. Low stakes create a lightness and keeps it fun.
And as I mentioned I am very happy in my life. Meeting new men is enjoyable with this foundation.
I recognized my boundaries are really helpful for weeding out dudes who would just waste my time. He texted me plans of wanting to meet a bar. He replied I could just get soda water at the bar. Um, not the point. He immediately got defensive and started getting aggressive. I blocked him and then found myself laughing at how much having boundaries saved me. Imagine a meet-up with that dude! The next guy I chatted with was really great. We had a ton in common, he asked great questions and on paper seemed to be my list. He asked me to dinner and when I arrived he smelled like booze.
I want to date someone who is sober or sober curious meaning they drink VERY little Blair dating online not often. I also discovered he owned a bar. Test passed! Through this whole process I always stop to find gratitude. I want to keep acknowledging the good and create more of it. Amanda Blair. Back Holistic Wild Honest.
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